Exhale Creativity Through Boredom

Hmmm. So, tomorrows the last day at Officemax 907 and I feel a little sad. I really did enjoy working with the people there and learning things about desktop publishing and graphic design. The actual retail environment wasn't so bad either. Still, it was a retail job and I didn't want to keep it forever. People at work kept asking me why I quit so early. I'm not really sure. Part of it is stress; a stress that just sort of keeps building up and building up until it gets really annoying and makes me upset and irritable and unhappy and other such synonyms for "pissed off". Part of it may be that working was my link to having a social life, but we've lost so many of our employees over the past few months that it feels like the whole team-family aspect is just falling apart. That was one thing I really liked- the interaction with my co-workers. The customers...not so much, but my coworkers were and are pretty awesome people. And I think I will miss them a lot.

I've been having two types of dreams lately. One, is the kind where you can tell that you're making up a story in your head to amuse yourself because you are so damned bored being asleep that there's really nothing else left to do. You aren't actively involved in the dream, just watching. The second, is the kind of dream where you visit people you know (and sometimes, people you don't..?) and just sort of hang out. The first type of dream is really clear and defined- moment to moment- while the second is much more dream-like and things don't always make sense.

It occurs to me that the fact that I'm having the lattermost sort of dreams means that I'm...well, lonely. Not like crying to myself at night because I have no friends lonely, but lonely. I miss people- a lot of people. My friends from school totally spoiled me; I'm not used to not having anyone to hang out with. It's a bit of a bummer. Of course, come September 25, I will be living on a university campus, which will undoubtedly put me in contact with other human beings and therefore force me to make new friends. But, September 25 is a long way off- it seems like forever.

Waiting is hard.

Oh, I'm waiting for you too luv' - 15 days, is that right? Oh wait, does he even read this...? Oh well, whatever. I would get on AIM and babble to him myself, but I'm preventing myself from staying up all night by not doing that. Or talking to anyone for that matter. Hm. I'm being Internet-Anti-social. Ohhh, saaaaddddd. The internet is my only place to be social, and I'm being anti-social- Aka, WTF? X3

I had Handel's ice cream this evening and it was awesome. Man, I have got to remember to budget for icecream in college- it's important.

I did that weird thing at the library today where I check out books that I probably won't read because (a) I'll forget to read them at all before they are due (b) they are really boring/hard to read or (c) because I didn't really want to read them in the first place. These books are always non-fiction. Always. And 90% of the time they are technical or computer related. I check them out with the hope that I will have found something that I can actually understand for once and that it will answer a bunch of questions that I didn't even know I had to or wanted to ask. But that never really comes about. They are on topics that I am genuinely interested in, just not well-read enough to understand well enough for it to matter. This time it was two books on hacking and one on Cryptography- topics that, like I said before, I am genuinely interested in- I just don't know a thing about. Actually, I may sit down and read the book on Cryptography- that seems pretty interesting and fairly straight forward. The other two- I don't think so...I don't know yet. But, it's the library, so it's not like it cost me anything to give it a shot, right?

I also checked out some graphic novels--they are all in the Young Adult section and I feel stupid being over there because- yes, I am just barely an adult (lol) but I always feel strange around kids in high school because I look like I'm in high school, so they don't care. It's the fact that it's not awkward for them that makes it somewhat awkward for me. I don't know, but I don't like it. That, and the people who look down their noses at me when I check out graphic novels- "Don't kids these days read real books anymore?"- someone said that to me once. I was astounded. I was like, "I have hundreds of books at home that I read all the time; can't I do something fun and exciting once in a while without the criticism?" Jeez lady, excuse me for living a life of artistic joy and freedom. Gawd. I love graphic novels, they are a whole new form of visual communication and turn "reading" into a totally different experience. Plus, they've been around for thousands of years (yes, sequential art- think Hyroglyphics). I would suggest that they all sit down and read Scott McCloud's "Understanding Comics", but the fact that it is in fact in comic form would probably prevent them from doing so. Ignorant fools- they don't know what they are missing.

Goodness, I am on a roll tonight...typety-type-type-type~

I saw someone's password the other day. It was QWERTY. Why are people stupid? Seriously- why are people so stupid? People sit around and blame hackers for identity theft. True- they do steal identities (them, and social engineers- yeah?) but, it's not like people make it incrediblely hard or anything. I mean, picture this: I work in a copy center, right? People make copies of some really sensitive materials all the time. They rarely leave anything like passports or Sosh-cards, but damn, they will leave copies of their documents. The other day, I found a six page document laying on the output tray of Self Serve #1. Being a curious little kitty, I of course proceed to read and see what it was. It was some medical documentation requesting something from someone (I don't know exactly what), but the big thing was that on all six pages was this woman's social security number. Just, written in on the line, clear as day. That, along with her name, birthday, address, insurance card number, etc etc. I mean, if I had the initiative at the time I probably could have stolen her identity. That's crazy. Just crazy. People don't understand what they are throwing around here- your SSN is You. Without it, you are seriously f'ked. I don't know why, because personally, I think it's just weird being attached to a number so I can...what? Pay taxes? Shiiiit. Crazy.

I think that my random urge to do karaoke recordings of Japanese songs is over...for now. I've still got the lyrics taped up on my wall for "Love is War" in both English and Japanese, just because there's that last verse of the Japanese version I can't quite get...It's hard to judge proper pronounciation when your reference/sample is a voice synthesizing program too. Hah. Still, if you're ever up for hearing my (really crappy) version of Love is War, I posted it on my imeem account- my name is AKA-KVW there. Please, don't download it like 0dd0ne0ut did, that's just embarassing. I want to re-record it, just to replace the one he downloaded. Bah! The tricky part is when to record it. I recorded the original, at night, the week mom and dad were gone- so I could be as loud as I wanted (which is important, because evidently, I speak much softer that I hear myself speaking). It would also help if I could sing properly...heh. Some internet friends heard it, they were like 'it's not professional, but you sound good'. It's like, yeah...I don't know why I had you listen to it in the first place...I hate it. But, I guess I'm a little proud of myself too. After all, I do love to sing! I just hate my singing! XD

Have I really been at this for almost an hour? Jeez, there go my plans of going to bed really early. I need to wake up "early" tomorrow because I still haven't written my nice-letter for Officemax yet. I want to write two- one for Officemax persons in general and one of ImPress persons specifically. I actually sat down at the computer tonight to write it, but the only program I have to write it in on this machine (that I can save it in) is Wordpad. That, and I'm tired and don't feel like being particularly emotional at the moment. Well, besides the blogging thing I guess, but I don't have to be nice or professinal in my blog.

Anyway, the weirdest thing about realizing that I'm not going to be working anymore is realizing that I'm not going to have a cash-flow anymore. I don't buy a lot of stuff (and when I do slurge, I feel really, really guilty for some reason...) but I do buy stuff on ocassion. Every once in a while I buy a new manga or CD or art supply or whatever. Not huge purchases, but still money you know? As soon as I stop making money, I'm going to stop spending it as much- that's my goal. I'd rather not spend it at all, but I know I can't do that for long. Things get boring and new things need to happen to fix that. It's a Haruhi Suzumiya outlook on things. By the way, if you haven't watched The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya you are missing out on life. Seriously. Not that it hasn't been ages since I watched it and not that I've finished it or anything, but it was awesome. It really was.

BTW- the first two graphic novels I checked out from the library were Volume 4 of the Scott Pilgrim series (which is so kick-ass, go read it NOW) and Confessions of a Blabbermouth (which was told a little awkwardly, but was very fun to read).

It's comics like this that make me want to create a more simplified drawing style than the one I have now. Sometimes, I think that the "manga" style tries too hard to be detail oriented, to the point that you wonder whether it really is just masking a crappy plot line. Like, 85% of all Shoujo manga titles. My comic is NOT a shoujo title and the whole thing is supposed to be character-driven, not detail-driven, so I don't know why I put so much effort into making it look "pretty". It's not a "pretty" story, it's a techno-thriller dammit! And 8/12 of the characters are boys! It does not need to be pretty! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE PRETTY!!

OK, I think I got all that out of my system...ahem.

Oh- today is my last day of work.

Tags: anime, art, books, comics, computers, dreams, life, om0907, random crap, social life (or lack there-of), stupid people, work
Current Mood: accomplished ( for what?)